By Dr. John Boakye
Conjugal love is love that exists only between husband and wife. It is sanctified, enriched and illuminated by the grace of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony . St. Thomas Aquinas says conjugal love is an ‘effective union’, spiritual and sacrificial. It combines the warmth of friendship and erotic passion and endures long after emotions subside.
Infused by the Holy Spirit, conjugal love is a reflection of the unbroken covenant between Christ and humanity that culminated in the self-sacrifice on the Cross.
Sacramental marriage draws its strength from Christ and this gives us power to love one another as Christ loved the Church ( Eph. 5:25) even when emotions and passions of marital love subsides. Simply put, conjugal love is love with Christ’s love and a Divine Gift which makes Spouses love each other as Christ loves us (Jn. 13:34).
From the Catechism of the Catholic Church, Conjugal Love has three requirements which involve the totality of all elements of a person – body, mind and spirit; first is the union of hearts. This mutual self-giving demands unity, faithfulness and openness to children for the entire life of the spouses.
Secondly, you are no longer two but one flesh.( Gen. 2:24,Mt. 19:6,Mk 10:8-10 and Eph. 5:31). You commit to life-long of sharing as you exchange your consent in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. You embrace your entire lives and continually grow in total mutual self-giving. Christ confirms this human communion by the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.
Third is fidelity and inadmissibility. You make a covenant before God. This teaching is based on unbroken covenant between Christ and humanity which culmulated in self-sacrifice on the Cross. The spirit which Christ pours forth gives us a new heart to love one another as Christ loved the Church ( Eph. 5:25) even the emotions and passions of marital love subside.
Marital love is therefore enriched by the power of Christ to strengthen Spouses in marriage. Simply put, conjugal love is about couples loving with the love of Christ which makes spouses love each other as Christ loves us ( Jn13:34). The Second Vatican Council teaches that Conjugal Love embraces the good of the whole person.
Love is experienced and nurtured in the daily lives of couples. It allows us to experience the pleasure of giving and serving.
Pope Francis in the fourth chapter of his Apostolic Exhortation, Amoris Laetitia used 1Cor. 13: 4-7 to give his ideas on conjugal love. It is therefore helpful to think more deeply about the meaning of St. Paul’s letter, examine the various dimensions of love which is Christian, true and authentic and put them into practice in our marriages.
Love is patient: it is derived from makrothymei which means slow to anger (Ex. 34:6 & Num. 14:18). Patience is a quality which makes us not to act on impulse. Love leads one to compassionately accept the other person even when he or she acts differently from what you like.
Love is kind. Love benefits and helps others. You must always be ready to give or serve even when you do not feel like doing so.
Love has no room for jealousy. True love values the other person’s achievements without seeing it as a threat but recognising his gift and his unique path in life while striving to discover your own road to happiness. Love inspires sincere esteem for every human being and recognition of his or her own right to happiness. It has no room for discomfort of another (Act 7:9).
